director, writer, producer, editor: Stephane Leonard & Claudio Pfeifer
camera - Claudio Pfeifer
sound design - Stephane Leonard
music - St. Leon
title, colours - Martin Eichhorn
format - 16 mm to HD
running time - 8.22 min
year - 2010
Entry from the Lost diaries:
"When I left for this journey, I had no idea what to expect on the other side of the sea.
I gazed into a wide and empty blue, as endless possibilities ran through my fingers and a world full of dreams and expectations started growing in my head. Cold wind gently stroked my forehead along with a slightly nauseous feeling of excitement. I felt the roaring machines sing under my feet, when my world slowly began to move, to free myself from the misery of my loneliness. A final glimpse over the shoulder before the past gradually faded out, hopefully never to be seen again...
...Soon my life was torn between who I once was, who I wanted to be and what I was about to become. There were no rules left to follow, no signs to guide my way, no more strings attached so I stripped off the old structures and forced myself into a new and unknown costume.
We set sail and steered a course that would leave no room for surprising twists and unexpected turns. The situation was so far beyond my control, that only a blindfold could keep me from looking back, from wanting to go back.
In order to live I learned to accept, learned to deal with a new routine, got to love what held me prisoner, embraced fate like an old friend.
My frustration was kept under control by a daily increasing dose of sedatives. A feeling of love that soon became a drug I could no longer live without arose within my heart.
There was no turning back at this point. What I myself have set in motion, could not be stopped again...
...On sleepless nights in a stormy sea, I walked out of the protection of our cabin, the protection of my new life to feel the salty sea spray mingling with my tears. I was too afraid, too blind and too attached to jump, too frightened of the loneliness beyond that ship when it suddenly struck me: I would not remove the blindfold, I will never leave this ship again. The darkness was not my friend - only you were. I needed you more than ever and the moment those thoughts sank to the bottom of my world, the second I understood that this journey is my life, that this ship is my world, that this love is my destination, you came and cut me loose.
You pushed me over the rail when I least expected it and so I fell and I drowned in sorrow and in pain and you and your ship vanished in that gap where the sky touches the sea.
For several months I was swimming in total darkness, struggling against high waves and an unbearable cold to eventually return to the point where everything had started, but only this time facing the other direction. The blindfold was washed away along with the numbness that had kept me leaving, that had kept me from jumping off that ship all by myself. This journey that had begun so full of hope and promises, a fairy tale and a dream come true that ended in a brutal unforseen self-awareness, that was my trip to Bermuda and back..." (unknown Sailor)
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